Men Who Hate the Barbie Movie Are SO CLOSE to Getting the Point.
Barbie in Conversation with Laura Bates’ Men Who Hate Women
This essay contains slight spoilers for the Barbie movie. But you’ve probably either seen the movie already or had spoilers invade your social media algorithm. So, it’s fine.
Barbie gave us everything: a shortage of pink paint, choreographed musical numbers, some amazing costumes, Michael Cera beating up a bunch of ripped dudes, crippling dread and inspired hope about what it means to be a woman…oh, and some seriously triggered men.
A week or so after seeing Barbie myself, I started reading Men Who Hate Women: From Incels to Pickup Artists, the Truth about Extreme Misogyny and how it Affects Us All by Laura Bates (much to the confusion of my partner, who knows that any time I read or watch something that shows women being harmed, I get very upset. But I digress). Bates is the founder of the Everyday Sexism Project, which aggregates instances of sexism that people have experienced in their day-to-day lives.
I hadn’t really done this intentionally after seeing Barbie (rather, the library gods decided it was time for my hold on the book to end), but it’s been very interesting reading this book in the context of the backlash to Barbie.
Men Who Hate Women explores the vast (and I mean vast) community of misogynists and male supremacists who occupy a huge space on the internet, and often put their ideologies into practice through violence and terrorism. I thought that I had a pretty good handle on the behavior of incels (incel = involuntarily celibate, AKA a group of sexually frustrated men who blame women for not having sex with them and think women should be made submissive to their every need), pickup artists, alpha males, and the other misogynists roaming the internet. Bates has shown me that I was very wrong.
Bates explores several categories of men operating in the “manosphere” and details how their extreme ideologies permeate much of the violence (including mass shootings), alt-right political movements, and online discourse (in the form of trolling) that we see today. She includes gruesome threats that she and other influential women—from politicians to journalists to women who are simply sharing their stories—have received. She also emphasizes the ways that these men make themselves the victims, claiming that society is stacked against them because:
Women have all the sexual power in society because they can choose who they have sexual relationships with
Society unequivocally believes women when they accuse men of sexual assault (which, clearly, is incorrect)
Women can exist outside the home
Women are treated like human beings instead of vaginas and baby machines
We are losing sight of “real men” and tough masculinity
And a bunch of other bullshit
Essentially, these men feel disempowered, isolated, and sexually frustrated. Although we like to think that these online forums are just an outlet for these men and that they don’t have any real world consequences, we are wrong. As Bates argues, the spread of this ideology escalates into real life violence and gender discrimination.
The implications of the misogyny discussed in Bates’ work are closely linked to the message of Barbie, which argues that patriarchy is harmful to everyone, men included. I mean, Ken asking if he’s still hot when he’s in his feelings? If that’s not showing how patriarchy harms men, I don’t know what is.” (psst…I said that in this Teen Vogue article).
Unsurprisingly, the alt-right is clutching their pearls over the movie, with pundits like Piers Morgan claiming he’d be “executed” if he made a “male version of Barbie.” Commentators from Morgan to Ben Shapiro to anonymous misogynists are outraged by the portrayal of the Kens in the movie, claiming they are made out to be stupid, one-dimensional, and existing only to serve the female characters in the story.
Um…duh?
That’s the point my guy.
The irony of statements like Morgan’s is that hundreds of movies that treat women like how men are treated in Barbie already exist, and all of those directors still have their heads, thank you. Take a look at any action movie where the sole female character is only a damsel in distress for the male hero to save. Maybe she’s just a girlboss with one personality trait and her boobs on full display. Or she’s a manic pixie dream girl whose only purpose in the movie is to inspire the male protagonist’s character arc, and then conveniently disappear once the male character has evolved. Many female characters throughout film history have gotten MUCH worse treatment than any of the Kens in Barbie. Ken even gets a personal character arc, which alone is much more than many female characters.
Many of these men see Barbieland as what feminists perceive as a utopia, where men have no power or influence and women are constantly made out to be smarter and more capable. Just take a look at this post from a thread on the r/MensRights forum on Reddit.
Although misogynists might think that Barbieland is the picture of a feminist utopia, any feminist who prioritizes actual equality would disagree. Nowhere in the movie is there a claim that Barbieland ever was or will become a utopia—and Margot Robbie’s Barbie realizes this at the end of the movie. Certain characters who don’t fit the mold (like “Weird Barbie,” Midge, and Allan) are ostracized, there’s no inclusion of LGBTQ+ relationships (presumably because Mattel has only sanctioned the Barbie-Ken romance without alternatives), and the Kens don’t even have homes. Even by the end, when one of the Kens asks for a seat on the Supreme Court, he is quickly denied by President Barbie. The narrator concludes that “maybe someday the Kens will have the same amount of power as women in the real world.” A utopia, Barbieland clearly is not.
However, these misogynistic commentators are so bothered by even the image of women in power and the feminist (or “woke”) tone of the movie that they fail to consider that the juxtaposition of a women-controlled Barbieland with a man-controlled real world highlights the absurd inequality of both societies.
And if that wasn’t enough, the movie also brilliantly makes space for many of the feelings that men in this online manosphere have claimed to have. Ken has an entire musical number dedicated to his identity, his loneliness, and how he is hurting because he derives his self-worth through the ability to successfully pursue a woman. By this time, we know that Ken wasn’t even happy in his mojo dojo casa house and the pressures of masculinity that came with it. Many young men who saw the movie have resonated with “I’m Just Ken,” perhaps because they’re grappling with how to find their path outside of patriarchal standards. Barbie even shows us what this path might look like. Ken’s ending offers an alternative to misogyny and incel-dom: where men are Kenough, can feel their emotions, be vulnerable, and build identities outside of pursuing and controlling the opposite gender.
There is so much more that can be said about this movie (like its love of girlhood and play, how it challenges the impossible expectations placed on women, how much we owe our mothers, and the way it grapples with Barbie’s complex history as a symbol of Americana). But ultimately, the movie asks everyone to consider our identities outside of the binary of gender. What if we weren’t defined by being men and women, and all of the baggage that comes with each of them? What if we weren’t confined to these roles? What were we made for? It is a question that those in the manosphere need to ask themselves.
things i’m loving rn:
This Spotify playlist called “✨country for the left and liberals✨”
The fact that July is over (one month closer to fall babyyyyy)
Succession (I’m on Season 4 and I am obsessed with this show even though it’s full of people I would absolutely despise in real life)
things i’m hating rn:
Misogyny, obviously
How finishing a draft of a novel requires you to actually write and edit
That the U.S. leg of the Eras Tour is nearing its end 🥲
Twitter…I mean…X? That’s literally so stupid
Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed this edition of thought monster. If you’re not a subscriber already, what’s stopping you bb?
And if you’d be so kind, share it with your friends! Do the marketing for me! Please! The idea of self-promotion is YUCK!
💛 Cameron
Editing and idea validation by Por Jaijongkit.